Now What?

I wrote an essay shortly after having an epiphany not too long ago. I submitted this article to a couple of different publications. Of course none of them wanted to publish it. So I’ll post it here. At least someone can read it.

“I Graduated. Now What?”
Graduating from college was one of the proudest moments of my life. It was something that I had worked very hard for over the span of four and a half years.

To me, like most college students, graduation was a relief. No more studying, or writing papers. No more sitting in class and pulling all-nighters. No more stress and being broke. As soon as I walked across the stage and received my diploma, I felt free. I was ready for the next step in my life.

My professors had done an excellent job in preparing me for life after college. I had been given the skills I needed to be successful in the job of my choosing. Some of my professors even went the extra mile to do an entire course devoted to interviewing for a job. I took lots of notes and read the books. I thought I was ready.

I knew finding a job was not going to be easy. I was expecting to go on several different interviews before landing “the” job. I thought I was as prepared. I wasn’t worried. I knew that I would get the job of my dreams because I was meant to do something great with my life.

After graduation, I got married. Two months later, I officially started my job search. How hard could it be? I was a college graduate. Because I was thinking big, I was applying big. I located some the most prestigious companies in the city where I lived and sent cover letters and resumes. It was a big step for me to actually send out that first stack of resumes. Although I was excited about the possibilities, I was also terrified. I studied up on all of the company information so that when they called me for an interview I would be ready. To my surprise, no one called. Days went by, then weeks, then months. Nothing.

Almost six months after graduation, I changed my tactics. I started looking at the job postings for different companies. I started applying online. After a couple of weeks, I was finally getting responses, and landed my first interview. My outfit was perfect, I had studied the company information, and I had practiced my potential interview questions. I went in to the interview very confident. The interview itself went very well. My interviewer seemed impressed by my resume and portfolio. A week later, I went back in for my second interview with them. Again, they seemed impressed with what I had to offer and told me that I would hear something from them by the end of the week. I was ecstatic. There was nothing left to do but wait. And wait. And wait. Two weeks later, I still hadn’t heard anything. No one returned my calls or email. Obviously, I didn’t get the job. I was devastated by the rejection, but more importantly frustrated with the fact that they never called to tell me I didn’t get the job.

A month later, I landed another interview for a job similar to the one I had previously interviewed for. Again, I had the perfect outfit, I researched the company, and practiced answering interview questions. I was interviewed by my potential boss. She liked the fact that I had a degree and was very excited about my resume. She had all but told me I had the job, when she announced that I had to meet with the district manager. The district manager “interviewed” me briefly in the middle of a crowded office. It was very loud and chaotic. I got a call from my interviewer the next morning saying that the district manager didn’t think I was ready for this kind of position. I was sad, but I was fine. Something would come along.

Over the next several months, I had applied for around thirty jobs and interviewed for about five of them. I got rejection after rejection. I eventually changed things up when I interviewed. I wore a different style of outfit. I tried being less prepared. I tried being more prepared. I wore my hair up. I wore my hair down. Nothing changed. I was still not what anyone wanted. I even started applying for jobs that I didn’t even want. My expectations had dropped significantly. I was no longer dreaming big. I was just hoping for anything.

It had now been over a year since I had graduated from college. I still did not have a job. I was embarrassed. All anyone ever wanted to ask is what I was doing these days or did I have a job yet. All of my college friends had landed jobs. Some of them had already gotten their dream jobs. Everyone was moving on without me.

I had not planned for this. I knew it would be hard, but this was unbearable. I had never felt so rejected in my life. I felt worthless. Eventually, I stopped looking for jobs at all. I sat at home all day, every day, while the world outside moved on without me.

In the midst of my depressed state, I read a quote that changed everything. It was “Keep true to the dreams of thy youth” (Friedrich von Scchiller). I pondered this quote for several days. What did I want to do with my life when I a kid? Before college and stress. Before I did what I thought other people would want me to do. I went into my closet and got out a big box that held all of my journals from grade school through high school. There, in the closet floor, I read. I read for hours. I read about all of my past hopes and dreams. And in the floor of my closet at 3 am, I finally figured it out. True, I was never going to be a country music star like I had wanted when I was 10, but I could be a writer. I had wanted to be a writer since I was in the seventh grade. So, I got up off my closet floor and started writing. I made it a priority to sit at my lap top and write something almost every day. I figured someday, one of my ramblings would lead to something.

I heard someone say “you’re as happy as you make your mind up to be.” I was miserable and I was doing nothing to change it. I had just sat in the house day in and day out feeling sorry for myself. Nothing was changing, because I wasn’t changing it. I decided to look at my time away from work as a blessing in disguise. Because I wasn’t working, I had time to do all of the things I had always wanted to do, but never had time for. I started reading for pleasure, something that was very rare while I was in college. I had forgotten how much I loved to read. I started sewing more, making several beautiful garments. I had always loved taking pictures so I started doing that more too. I even took a ballet class. I was still looking for and applying for jobs, but I had changed my attitude. I found that doing things that I liked to do made me happy. My attitude changed, and so did my possibilities. I was meant to do something; I just had to find it.

I know there are more college graduates out there just like me. Even if you think you’ve got it all figured out, often you don’t at all. It’s okay if you feel lost after graduation. A lot of people feel lost. There is something out there for everyone. Sometimes it shows up early and sometimes it shows up later. I tried to give up, but I’m glad I didn’t. I went back to what I loved as a child and I decided to be happy with my situation. I am still very proud of my degree that I worked so hard for. And no one can ever take it away from me.